| im just so sick of this |
[06 Mar 2005|01:28pm] |
seriously. im turning 20 tomorrow and where am i in my life? im unsure about my major. my freinds cant talk to me im just a mess but you know for once i believe that i am a good person. that i will suceed in my life. i dont need anyone to do. i just want someone to be with me sitting there right next to me experiencing everything that happens with me. i feel like i am important and that i am supposed to do important things in this world and that whoever i am with deserves me because i am great.
just lets fix everything
why is the route to the thing you want always the hardest one? tell me that
i guess i just have to suck it up and do it....but is that what i want?
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[26 Feb 2005|05:19pm] |
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its that time you know something bad is happening. you can feel it in the pit of your stomach and this eternal ache washes over your body. you are completely powerless with your emotions and someone can easily manipulate them if you let them. what choice do you have? nothing will make that feeling go away. no matter what you try. its almost like you are permanently cursed with this disgusting feeling.
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[23 Feb 2005|12:24pm] |
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so all i have to say is that some people here on this campus are disgusting. they are fucking whores and i hope more than anything that they go somewhere where i will never have to see their nasty snaggletoothed fucking faces bc they make me want to throw up. fucking idiots
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| mmm |
[22 Feb 2005|04:12pm] |
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long ass day. but im glad. life is good. there are some pieces missing. but they will come together. i know it. love love
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| finally |
[20 Feb 2005|01:51am] |
well today i finally realized alot of things about myself. I am pretty selfish, the one thing im not selfish with is love. i love very deeply. even if it seems like i am selfish in other ways which i am. i totally dont mean it and i plan on not doing that anymore. after a long talk with my grams she sort of put me in check and she didnt even know it. like how she loves my grandpa so much still after all these years. and i asked her if she gets sick of him and shes like oh no i can never get enough of him. she says she wants to see him any time she gets. which is just about the sweetest thing i have ever heard. she told me that all she has to do is look at a picture of him in his air force uniform and her heart goes pitter patter. which made me want to melt i mean how amazing is it that after all these years she can still put him with him. and the funny thing is, is that its not putting up with him its enjoyable. and i realize that. that when you love someone the little things they do to annoy you really make you love them more. and there is no reason to get stressed about them. they are sort of like little gifts from them like a little wake up call from them saying hey im human too. And thats the amazing part.
I was also watching shall we dance with my mom. super corny i know but thats us. and susan sarandon said probably one of the greatest things i have ever heard in my entire life. That being with someone you love is amazing because you have someone right there with you to witness your life, all the good and the bad. they are there. so that when you die you can honestly say that you have proof that you have lived. from that person who was with you the whole time. witnessing it. which i think is totally amazing. I have learned alot about myself on this simple weekend home. just hearing a song on the radio and thinking of someone. seeing a picture that reminds you of them. even just catching a glimpse of their smell. its so faint but you know you smelled it. and that is the most amazing thing. that when you miss someone you create those moments for yourself, to make your time apart a little easier it helps to make it better.
also on a side note: drinking is fucking bullshit. like all is does is cause problems. i dont know how or why it took me this long to realize it. but most of the time drinking is the cause of most of peoples problems when they just use it as a way to solve problems. bad choice made by all.
thats all for now.
roger
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| a change is on the way i can feel it for you. |
[18 Dec 2004|11:40am] |
Wow, life has been really crazy lately. lots of crazy parties that really i dont want to ever think about again. really i dont think i ever acted that stupid but if i did i want someone to take me out back and shoot me old yeller style. some people at this school just amaze me. like the things that one person can say to another person and be totally serious. its just unbelieveable. secondly i have learned alot about myself and there are alot of things that i need to change about me as a person. i realized i have really great freinds and i love them alot and im not gonna let them forget it ever.
ui also could really care less about high school livejo rnals because all they do is bitch about gossip. and how they are so much better than everything im over it. no one is better than anyone. everyone has their own gifts and the moment that we learn to recognize that we will achieve world peace. lets get cracking people its time.
Its definitley time for xmas break im really ready for this semester
ps. i love you so much and im never letting you go.
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| you wash away the best of me |
[06 Dec 2004|12:45am] |
so im just hanging out here on sunday night. this has been a really up and down week. i have made a couple of bad choices. but only in the way i handled myself. my reasons were completely legitimate in my eyes. and thats all that matters because at the end of the day i have to look at myself in the mirror and be happy. and i am and if people dont like me because of that then there is nothing i can do.
stuff is really busy and stressful it will all pass and even itself out im sure. all positive here. :) :)
i love you so much
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| its been so long |
[21 Nov 2004|06:27pm] |
Wow I cannot believe that it has seriously been so long since i updated this shit....well i have been soo busy...it seems like im just doing show after show after show.
Well Dark Cathedrals of the Heart went well, very well actually it was probably one of the greatest shows i have ever done. I seriously dont get the genius of it. This role was seriously the mount everest i was looking for here at this school. and i seemed to have made it to the top The show was held and i get to go and compete for Irene Ryans. which is amazingly scary and exciting at the same time. seriously so many people deserved to go there is so much goddamn talent in that cast im just humbled and honored that i get the chance to. so hopefully we will all get together again to do it once more:) :) that would be amazing.
Next was beautiful Lindsey Halls senior project which was so sweet. she is so talented and im so glad that i got to be a part of her genius. and singing again after so long was really interesting. but i sort of miss it in that weird highschool sort of way.
Its almost time for thanksgiving and really i am welcoming the break this has been one of the busiest semesters for me. i just need to relax. so much theater !!! but i love it.
and im more happy than i have ever been in my life.
- all for now- Rog-
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| Resolved |
[27 Oct 2004|01:07am] |
for once in my life i have something i want and i know that i am happy with it...i dont want to let it go...its what i want more than anything and nothing is gonna stop me from having it.....
ps we open in less than two weeks ahhhhh!!!!
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| truth |
[18 Oct 2004|12:58pm] |
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all i want to say is that i know that i am totally fucked up but all i want is what i have always wanted......i have never stopped wanting it...though it seems like i have..i really havent...i just want to get that back...it seems like i am never making any progression and finally once in my life i want to do that...push out all the bad stuff and just BE
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| be my breath so i can walk.... |
[13 Oct 2004|01:31pm] |
well it was a really awesome night last night.....rehearsal was sort of frustrating but then that just kind of washed away...the Christina DVD i have been waiting for finally came out and i when i was making other purchases i saw it there and i was like i need it..the sales lady was sort of freaked lol but nonetheless it is amazing and i love her... she is great :)
and yay for bjork
and other things :) :) :)
including sylvia plath who is one of the most beautiful people in the world (or used to be)
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| ...plaid and checked |
[12 Oct 2004|02:09pm] |
Sometimes i feel like everything is great and other times everything seems to be decaying around me...like now....i dont know what the hell is going on but i just feel like no matter what i do nothing is good enough i am always doing harm to someone...its just really frustrating.
i am finally happy
i finally want to be with someone
not because i need to
but because i want to
and it seems like its not time yet
and maybe holding on will make that change
but i dont know
things just need to be
and thats all there is to it.
just tell me if you are that someone who wants to make all my dreams come true
identify yourself because i can see anymore
..take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway.......
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